It's interesting to find out that I'm living in a world between the nerd life and cowboy town. I can link to both worldsworlds, but not belong to any. Question is, how do I get hook up with any female companion if nice guys are always ignored...
Confidence, Passionate and Believe... Or just Believe...
The departure in a relationship is like a flight departure. Lots of emotions spilled out, truth comes out more than usual, the leaving each other will never come to a preparation, meeting of two individuals will not end despite the physical separation and memory footprint will last forever in both lives.
No one dreamt of failed relationships, everyone could've been a perfect match just someone is more ideal than others? I've cherished what we had, moments we were together... Perhaps I've not sang the song she'd like to hear, gave the flowers she less preferred or making choices at different life pace.
We both may find being social victims of each other, looking for each other to cook up happiness in life while both are lonely individuals. Perhaps separation is the eventual outcome we were seeking all along or we've crossed another new barrier in our relationship?
It's rather interesting that we lived in the future world where human will be abundant n everything else will be scarce. Do we need more war to reduce the population? Is the economic model created to promote survival only win? It's rather amusing that the previous generation went through a generation of immense growth and prosperity, while the coming will see a downhill slide.
It's not hard as supply of human with exceeding demand for resource. Either we only provide the few fortunate or we all reduce our demand n share what we have. I can't see how we can achieve the latter. Quite ironically, the baby boomers would consider not having as much resource to live with. They went through war, fight for short term survival, lived a Happy life and eventually learnt tremendous knowledge and live through several major changes in technology.
I can assure that we can't repeat the success formula to excite economic growth of the past. The world we have developed now, despite different growth speed between regions, is really at the cost of the scarce natural resource. It's the fact that there's not enough to share and we'll need to pick the winner to gain all. But does winners even gain enough to get by now? The globalisation and wealth distributions is really narrowing the resources to a group individuals. The music chair will always test the ethical boundary of each country and eventually led to inefficient or corrupt government. Everyone's figuring out the code to promote economic growth upto the level that we are salvaging each other's life to gain more of this useless game.
I believe we no longer find the dangerous living in the wild, instead it's more cancerous living with human communities. Our social system is tied closely to economic system. The focus on economic efficiency promotes deeper penetration into the society while the social benefits are no longer prioritized. I have always think in reverse that were we coming from a more well-balanced society compared to this "modern" Era where high alcohol consumption, divorce rate, different kinds of disease linger around and everyone's eyeing each other for material gain and lack of collaboration for social objectives?
I'm just feeling lonely. I can't stop trying to let loose of my relationship but I am just juggling my feeling even after coming a year of struggle. I feel both on a personal failure and responsible for how we get to this consequences.
I just feel really lonely now. I know I can pickup myself but I just know I'll have to make the decision to quit my current relationship. I can't make sense of my action now if I'm making another mistake forward or am I doing for the better of both worlds? Every time we talk, it becomes emotional and I just eventual to delay that departure. I know eventually I need to make a decision, is this decision right? Will I regret this decision? Despite the consensus, am I stubborn enough to make the right decision?
I'm starting a healthy diet and I'm interested to seek more lean body shape and seek to achieve greater stamina. I find that I always rush for work and studies that I've been sacrificing my health. So I hope to get my acts together and build a stronger body.
My schedule so far:
1. Cut down all carbs
2. Gym everyday for at least an hour
3. Frequent small meals and avoid large meals
4. Water and tea, avoid anything else
5. Greens and fruits which are my favourite food
6. If I ain't lean enough I will slowly outgrow my suits!!! :(
