Studying through the night often is a case of loneliness but focus too. I'm tired with work but even more tired in life. I feel like I've lived some comfort in life now, but I guess I was hurt badly in my relationship that I've not had time to think through the recovery or am I just pushing through like I used to and numb my feelings.
Listening to the soundtrack of IL Porco Rosso just brings out the ease in my pain while also make me realise I'm in pain. Should I just move-on or follow my feeling which is clouded now? It's a tide of challenge that you just don't know which way forward. Is she the one? Differences comes with diversity as well as arguments. However, do I not see the big picture here? Should I just be mature to be together or should I be more selfish and separate? Am I really that bad of a person or my personality clash so negatively that a meat in my eyes is poison in her heart? If perspectives are different, am I too optimistic to expect we can narrow the differences or compromise each other? If only, if only...
Perhaps maths and life are two separate area of interest. There's no definitive truth in life, or there is less truth to interpret at a given time? I feel lack of courage to face the issue head-on as it's been backfire as though I shouldn't have done so. If the rules are played by others, at what stage do I'm allowed to play at all? I'm already over the phase of asking why but really want to look-into the phase of what's next?... What should I expect? Fight or flight? How do I fight or should it be a fight? What then? How then? Next then?
