To be the main character...

To reach the highest is not the easiest thing to do in life. To gain not respect, but follow your inspiration to reach the highest point in life is the hardest route to move on yet it's the only satisfying journey that I can head to. It's no more lazy lifestyle or gaming world now but to thrive deep into the bottom and see the heaven way up high. Along the way is full of sour and bitter yet the anticipating sweetness will come soon just triggers the confidence and courage to take another step forward. Chicken as I am, cowardly as I was, and lonely as I'm always...yet I can only walk the path alone but not to have any hand to support me along the way.
Yes that I'm desperate to find my the other half but it seems that I often find the wrong one and unable to accept the ones that liked me for I'm unable to be inspired to like them. For truth can only surfaced in matter of time while lies will only grow a mark on my forehead.
I'm a man of weakness in me that I can only move forward to be tough. I'm bored and often live in dull yet only speed and momentum inspire me for keep on moving will as if tell me that this boring life is going to be over soon. I'm moving on to another world and discovering another new place and see new things. If I stop moving, I feel that I'm stuck somewhere, in a no-man's-island or in a desserted city. Often the sense of dead flowers grow beside me for plants are unable to blossom around me and I would warn people to keep away from me for I bring disaster and pain, tears and scars and even disease in their life. I can't stop the spread but to partition everything away from me so the rotting will surround me and negativity will be absorbed and contained in me until one day I can dissolve it and live again.
Till that day, let the elements around me rejuvenate to grow some new plants. For every touch may not give life, but hopefully every miles I walk will give hope.

Why am I doing what I'm doing...

Well, it's been awhile since I haven't spoken to this girl. Well, supposingly I'm not sure why I can't speak to her but somehow I guess I'm just don't feel like speaking to her for no reasons. Often she come over to our place as she's my friend's gf alr. It's not to say that I want to avoid anything but just that I don't want to be so mean or harsh but I just don't want to talk to her.
It could be the sense of lie or being fooled around that I don't know what I should do. Shall I say hello, how r u these days? Having fun much these days? It'll all sound so fake and I'll just give a smile in front and sneak myself away then. Alternatively, I chose to be quiet and just live my life and do what I want and I like.

Maybe that explains why I suddenly feel freedom and floating all the time and leaving my studies away lolx... I'm getting naughty now and not bothering lots of stuff. I'm sorry girl but I'm not so free to play with a person that I can't seem to trust anymore. If that's he that you want, go ahead and don't expect me to treat you the same anymore. Oh...it feels so good now that it's like release from the chain. You can say that I failed to pursue in a relationship again and I'm celebrating for the "misfortune" yet I don't give a damn anymore. It's another cycle of being single and free again...so who cares!!!

Okay...now's the moment for me to bring myself to a higher level in my studies after so much hardwork. I can't skrew it up and I'll thrive hard and give myself confidence and momentum to study hard for I'm who I am and I'm the only person can change my life.

Now Comest The Night

Artist: Rob Thomas
Album : Something To Be
Song: Now Comest The Night

Lyrics :

When the hour is upon us
And our beauty surely gone
No you will not be forgotten
No you will not be alone

And when the day has all but ended
And our echo starts to fade
No you will not be alone then
And you will not be afraid
No you will not be afraid

When the fog has finally lifted
From my cold and tired brow
No I will not leave you crying
And I will not let you down
No I will not let you down
I will not let you down

Now comes the night
Feel it fading away
And the soul underneath
Is it all that remains
So jus slide over here
Leave your fear in the fray
Let us hold to each other
Till the end of our days

Where m I?

Seeking the sequence of numbers where I missed and haven't completed. Yet the numbers are keep floating towards me that I don't know what I can do to search through the missing links and faulty errors. Everything's a mess now... the girl right in front of me just took off with another guy probably for my cowardness, the guy just happen to be my housemate that sometimes I just thought he's laughing at me. My best buddy in the house also pretty anti me now... what has gone wrong I asked myself.

I just can't seem to forget about the moment that we played Poker that it just seems like I just revealed my true me, the true shy and honest me... I don't have any confidence under my foot or even able to think wisely in circumstances like those. I've been avoiding those situation for not to frustrate people or embarrass myself as well. What can I do?

Perhaps I still haven't grow up and strong enough to handle lots of things. Yes, I admit that I'm a coward now, hah! It's the sense of happiness and laughter for everyone and what do I do about it? I can't change it but to live with it and hopefully exit the scene with a joke. Yet, that time was a catch that I have to face it tough yet I was defendless to do anything but to look down and not say a word. Then the girl's choice probably ended after such circumstances occurred that just popped in my mind that "No girls love cowards". Hah, this means that no girls ever gonna get close to me, lolx!!!

Geez, I can't seem to concentrate these days and I'm still reading Joint Life until now. It's really running out of time and I'm still wasting time here. Everytime I told myself to take a route with lots of experience in life rather than only focus on study/ work. Yet, when things get out of hand, I only can set things aside and focus only on my studies. It's not wrong that I did this, probably during these process I'm very tensed that I'm very stubborn to let anything to disturb me. Dumb Ken, just didn't give a good finishing touch on each occassion or avoid good enough to make other people's life better.

Of course, there's always advantages from each lesson to be learnt. 1stly, my good buddy just reminded me that I have to live life using my brain and not bullshiting without evidence/definite information. Now that I just think about it when I was driving back to Burwood is that he often pessed me to go club, drinking n etc. His intention was to protect me from future occassion yet I rejected for I promised myself not to get close to these stuff. Yes, I do drink and smoke but I won't do it anymore and avoid as much as I can. All and all, I'm sorry for being so stubborn for I have principles in life that I promised myself since young and I don't want to break it. No matter what, I'm taking it as he's teaching me some survival skills as I can understand that living in China is always life at risk so living smart enough and able to handle people properly is important there. Not to say that I don't need it, just that I've been avoiding it all the time because I don't know how to handle situations like these. That's why I planned my life becoming an actuary and just earn enough money to survive and not to care about anything else.

Life's always like that, you just can't have it all followed your plan. That I understand but I'm just prepared to adapt situations and make preparations to face it. The possessiveness of me that I realized that I shouldn't force my housemates to do things. Sometimes I criticize them about how inefficient they are and what they could have done more effectively. Sometimes my way is really unrealistic and adding on that I'm still new in surviving alone that I often also say the wrong things. So, all and all became a mess in the house. So, this means that good intention not necessarily a good outcome will occur for the world is a risk and no one knows what can happen next. Just when I smooth cruize with my universal opinion and my housemate just seemed to see that I'm not making much sense anymore, so he got fed up with stuff. So, now what I can do? Humble and give and take I say. Although I don't know until when things will change, but I know I just have to try hard to make things change.

Hah...I'm tired, really tired with lots of stuff but then lots of stuff is not complete and I just want things to be better. So, I cannot rest and cannot give up to make things better tomorrow. God, please help me help myself to make things better for everyone tomorrow. I forgive the girl and I totally rationalized myself that there's no point to frustrate further and wish the best of luck to her. As for the guy, I can see that it's pretty real towards her as those days he's been really down and under after some phenomenons happen. As for my best buddy, perhaps I can't call him so close anymore, but inside he's still. I'm sorry and I just want to thank you for my mistake. If I knew that anything I can do, I hope I can make it. God bless all.

In search to repair...

It's all in the circle that I do things that frustrates people and I should have learnt the lesson. Somehow, it seems to me now that I just can't visualise what I'm doing to repair myself to please people. I often think that I'm a weak person if I were to please someone. That's why I don't like to get help from others for I need to "please" or seemed like begging someone to get something for me. Then, when I'm strong and capable, I just crush anything I see and people don't like it. So, it's the sense that if I stay weak and peaceful then there's no war happening yet I can't because I won't be improved and not moving forward.

Hah...reading Got Tong's death. I really send my condolence to him. I read his biography and it truly inspired me for the hardwork that he gave into Genting really amazed me. It gives me the inspiration not to give up and at least some motivation to keep moving on. Counting by the amount of wreaths sent to his home, you can tell how much respectful people gave to him, not to mention from all over the world? Now that his son Kok Thay is handling over his company operations, it's really the matter of time for him to rest in peace and be remembered as a proud citizen and pioneer of Malaysia. A person's hardwork and contribution is really impressive and I really salute him.

Guess I only have the inspiration to move small steps forwards rather than manouvring along big steps like others. The magnification of me outside just shrinks to a tiny piece inside that everyone knows that the true me is not what I am outside and I'm just another piece of shit and coward that don't dare to do lots of stuff. Ahhh...what can I do from now? Where can I go from now? Is my direction right from the start or I'm just giving harsh times to myself all the time?

Move on...keep stepping forward to a higher level to see things clearer, I say.

Msg Received...

Today Siow sent me a few msg that I can't seem to deny the facts given. Apparently, it's the reminder that I should keep my friends and family close to me and take good care of them rather than pushing them aside just to achieve success. For success is no sweeter if not shared by everyone around you. However, my intention was not to hurt them but hope they would stay away from me so I don't irritate them as I'm facing high tension times. However, it seems that I should learn how to appreciate the time spent with them. Ah...how I wish I got the time sometimes for my academic studies are so full and drives me crazy. I'm always trying to stand strong but every night just fall back down due to the workload need to be met.

Time and money, life and moments...I didn't coordinate them well that I just put all-in my studies and nothing more for my life and anything else. But the time is coming to an end to face the challenge. I cannot lie on the ground and stay dreaming anymore, but to stand up and keep walking to where I need to be and face the challenge strong. Just give me one more moment and I shall find all the things gone away from me before this.

I shall dance in the rain when it's still pouring heavily, or sing with the birds right above me. Run...I shall always run with the wind for the wind is not blowing me away but I'm challenging the speed of the pace and using my youth energy when I still have. I'm young and I'm strong...I can do whatever I want and go wherever I will to reach the highest.

Walking or Floating?

At times in life would you ever wonder if you're floating through your life living a life that you just ideally think is the utmost incredible experience and then suddenly struck by exams and you start to panic and can't seem to see the light around you. You seek help, seek faith and find some inspiration to stand up yet your brain's so dead. Geez, you wonder, how come you've spent so much time floating around and haven't realized how much detailed route need to be walked.
Then a friend tells you, don't panic, take a deep breathe and look forward and start walking. So, you take one step forward, looking down and telling your ownself that hey, it's so hard, and then you take another step and yell that you don't want to take another step, then you force yourself to take another step and you're yelling out to the world saying that you don't want to do this anymore.
So, how now would this end? As time ticks and elapsing, you just have to make decisions to encounter the event before you make a disaster out of it. So, you have the determination that you want to make things better, the courage to move forward and stop yelling anymore. You take the next step and the wind's blowing against you, yet you continue to take the next one and the storm is roaring at you before you want to make the next one. The rain starts to pour and the vision in front is blurred. The test of endurance and sense of direction on what you are heading built on top of you. The vector of your body is facing all directions but forward. What will you do? What can be done?
Keep moving forward and take a deep breathe and think properly where you're heading and what you're doing now. It's hard as your mood swing surrounding your irrational parts and your energy just drains as fast as rocket fuel consumption. And there you are, just standing at the point not able to do anything or know what can be done.
Take a deep breathe and be prepared for the challenge. Look into yourself, speak to God to analyse yourself and analyse him as well. God will help those who helps themselves, yet I interpret it as as long as you don't give up, there's always a way out and even God will show you the path for your endurance. And so, you continue to think, and finally your figure out that hey, I'm heading to this direction and I know where it is. Then you start to determine your direction and make sure it's right. You take the next step and the next and you start to get the hang of it, you're amazed with the inspiration and you jump with joy, hop one step or two, tumble and run along the narrow little route to your destination.
This was in my mind these days and probably figured it all out after some days of brain-freeze. I don't know where the outcome will lead but I know that I cannot stop walking and will always head to the destination I want to head to.

Silent Moment...

Silent,
Waiting for the coming of the exams and the rushing of the new topics coming in. Revising and repeating things until confidence is built up to face the coming challenge.

Silent,
The unspoken moments that only can be focused when alone, and not when around friends. Excitement and out-of-control.

Silent,
Along the way where I step, falling leaves and unlived grass follows. I'm not totally down, but maybe little cherishing the moments I have now.

Silent,
Embracing the sadness for I sometimes study too much that I don't even have the time for myself. Perhaps I'm just excited & waiting for the coming day that she'll follow him run away.

Silent,
Everyone around me think I'm on all my own. I am on my own now for no one can help me make it into Honours. Everyday I tell myself to have confidence but every morning I felt under pressure that I'm not getting there.

Silent,
I smiles at moment of happiness and crack it suddenly. My housemate thinks I'm crazy sometimes. For happy moments won't last in time but stay in memory. Yet all smiles bring bitterness the other side.

Silent,
My heart is calm and steady these days. I'm living a very routined life. Although I'm heading to a bright future but it seems the route to success is not as enjoyable as I thought. "Keep Fighting" by Purple still stick on my mind to keep me going.

Silent,
Another moment of freedom and self-love. It's joyous yet I'm unable to express my happiness or share it with anyone. I suddenly feel myself being very boring and unattractive and I'm not sweeping any chics on the streets.

Silent,
As these months of staying outside, it's finally revealed that I am unable to live independently. I'm not the kind of guy that is able to survive ownself or at least people around me feel bored living with me.

Silent,
Silent,
Silent.... waiting till the moment when I obtain the results.

This moment...

Here I am sitting here in the computer lab where everyone else are at home studying or probably sleeping now. I'm still doing contingencies tutorial and somehow just get bored for awhile. Geez, when the night is dark and silent, things just get more emotional and inspiring I guess.

Well, to be honest, after shifting out, I'm more efficient and life's more routined. Yet, it's coming to and end soon after a month when I finish my exams. Then, I shall claim freedom again for I missed lots of moments to breathe properly and see things clearly. Somehow, I'm a person that can't seem to grow up yet because I'm still so childish. Often my housemate already can't stand me being quite childish and doing silly stuff. Not to mention when they had me drunk that night, they just can't stop laughing when I was there making their silly comedy.

Then, thinking back, seems like I'm pretty dumb and learn things very slow. Not to mention my confidence just haven't seem to rise much since I came in university. I guess I'm not as big as I thought I am. Other than that, life's always full of ups and downs and challenges. Now I just have the energy to face the challenge thus, I should thrive as best for I may rest when I'm dead. I want to leave a legacy in this world, I want to fly higher and swim deeper than anyone can. *The motivation inside me even though often sounds so impossible*

Now, I'm just missing everyone in my life. I always have the thought of making a trip to visit each and everyone I knew and see how's their current situation there. I just love to see everyone being fine and well. However, I realized that somehow even I get to meet everyone, things changed and I might not even have much to talk about with them. Oh well, I guess just stick to the most current situation and cherish what is around me now.

Relationship is still a disaster to me for I just don't have time, money and even the skills to court a girl. You're probably wondering "Wot?" but yeah, I just can't court a girl. Yes, I need a girl around me sometimes that I thought to lighten my life yet everytime disaster struck and therefore, I'm often sticking to guys recently at least friendship will last longer for now. Today I read an article about "how to keep your partner?". I found that most of the points mentioned was those that I wasn't able to achieve. Geez, no wonder I'm getting anywhere with girls. haha, anyway, I'll just stick to friends for now at least things are much simpler.

Facebook. Well, lots of people around me uses facebook and the most interesting part for me is the photo-loading is super fast and the user-friendliness. Suddenly I'm shifting more from Friendster because of the application and there's more interesting stuff to do. At least my bro always SuperPoked me with all imaginable ways. lol, guess he miss me pretty much too :p

Anyway, get back to study. I guess I shall miss this moment of time when I'm still studying before it ends while I haven't realized it.

When petals fall...

Geez, a big headache after yesterday's night drinking for awhile. Yes, I'll admit that I can't take much alcohol and it just jitters my head and I hate it. Initially I was walking towards computer lab after drinking but I can't stand it that my housemate was laughing seeing me suddenly bang on the keyboard for awhile. I know how hilarious things can be when u're there. I guess I just went back n had a good night sleep...quite good that I woke up fresh.

Before day rise, I heard my housemate speaking out loud in his room that night with another friend. Well, apparently I'm not sure what went wrong but he seemed to be talking about this girl that he like and I guess he's starting to have a crush on her. I have no doubts that this would happen because he's been hanging out pretty much with her gang and they enjoy themselves pretty much. From ski trips to gym and clubbing...well, I guess I've only managed to go for the 1st one and haven't been capable to go to the other ones. I understand it's the sense of childishness in me but I think I felt that I haven't had much social life. By the looks of myself, I guess I'm not capable of going clubbing or even do much in there since I can't stand drinking and I can't even dance.

For now, I can't do anything about it now. Anyway, she's going out to have fun and I don't think I should stop her from doing so and I don't think I'm eligible yet to require her to be such and such. Then, it struck me in the mind that do I really like her or I'm just fiddling around with her. A little both but time is not permissible for me to spend much time with her for now. Therefore, I just have to work hard towards my exams and put the thought aside for now. Hopefully this can test how much she felt for me and let both realized whether we're meant to be together.

Life's but a stage

Now, I'm in a writing scene where I write about myself and my thinking. Next I'll be going to the bathroom and have a bathing scene where I cleanse my body and perhaps my soul. Then, there's a study scene, a eating scene, a sleeping scene...all the scene that takes picture of me, take video of me is endless and every scene I might do the same thing, but it's different because of it's time, it's thinking, it's meaning and what follows from and after.

Life's but a stage, William Shakespeare.

Life's like making a movie while movie is illustrating our lives as well. Directors are the information gatherer, while good directors are those that see things independently but not judge them, and then present them to the audience to make the judgement for themselves. Actors are the presenter of the movie, where they make the action, the motion and expression of what the director want to present. A good actor is able to understand the motion and capture it before presenting it out. Yet, every actors can be biased because they possess different strong characteristics in themselves that might not be flexible to fully present the situation as given. This is how certain actors possess their own style/appeal because of their one or severeal strong characteristics that can be improvised to other characteristics yet sustaining the original style. E.g. Pierce Brosnan have a sleek and attractive style. Then, as he acted in other films, e.g. if he's acting in a sad scene, then he will seem sad but in a "sleek and attractive style". Therefore, the sad expression is not acted purely sad, but improvised with sleek and attractive elements in it.
Camera, the main tool to capture each moment of the movie. In our lifetime, one camera can be thought of endless number of cameras for every angle, perspective or thinking of seeing ourselves is endless just that there's always one camera such that will strongly express ourself at the point of time. Therefore, a good camera man is not a one that just show you what you want to see, but what is best view that truly reflects the moment, the scene and the meaning being brought out.

Our lives' therefore is always a movie. We always have a good camera man taking the best moment of us, an actor improvising us and a director constantly observing us. Is that true? Or actually we are our own cast group for our eyes is the camera, our brain is the director and our body is the actor. Who's these parts is not a matter anymore if you were to continue identify who and what will lead to a confusion which can switches back n forth almost instantaneously. So, now that we know we're a movie ourselves, then what's there for to watch movies? To my opinion, this action is watching other people's movie. Some movies show their lives, some shows their acting while some shows their imagination. Everyday we are referencing our other people's movies and get excited with it yet not realizing that we should have lived the life ourselves to excite it ourselves.

Everyone's movie is unique and every movie has a meaning. For some movies are boring yet the meaning of it is having lived that way will lead to a meaningless life. Every scene in the movie is shown to attract us to watch, yet our lives are changed in different scenes. Each scene can sound boring or each scene can be interesting. Each scene we might not wear something new but each scene we are a new character. Every scene we feel different, we sense different things, we think differently, we do things based not only on ourselves but also on the influence of the situation. For the change is everything and yet changing at a rate of different scales.

Today I write this blog because I think I agree with what William Shakespeare is commenting about life. I truly felt the different of the stages and scene as it changes. Every part of my life can be seen and remembered and understand that I really has been a different character at different times. Sometimes I feel like nice, helpful guy while other times I get cold and harsh perhaps. The variability in myself is pretty high and situation-specific because I tend to act excitedly when I'm out and with friends, and toned down when I'm at home. The biggest distinction in me is when I'm in study mode and suddenly switch to play mode will lead to a big leap in change of character. For I cannot change who I am being such high variability in changing characteristics, but I am able to direct the scene to adjust the appropriate characteristics I want for the scene. For a good actor is able to control their character and a good director knows what is best for each scene.






Regards,
Ken

Laziness

I guess this is the time that my life just changed from hardwork n always fighting to peaceful and lazing around not doing anything. Why did my life changed in such an instance and became from bad to worse? It's all about playing computer games when I'm here and I realized that I'm so childish that I haven't get through such game. It's been 5 days pass that I realized that I haven't revise or take the opportunity to study much. Not to mention the assignments are going to due when uni reopens and I have to make time for it. Geez, luckily the magazine is going to be sent out and I'm not going to fuss much about it. Anyway, I'll have to keep my distance from these things and make time for my future. For now, I guess I have to take some rest n start a better morning tomoro and catch up as soon as possible. I'll need to learn from my mistakes and stop regretting what I've done everyday.


20/9/2007 3.31am
Ken

What's Business?

Well, I still remember that when I was getting into business course, I'm learning about how to manage business and how does company works. Somehow, along the way, I find that the course is structured in the sense that it is all about money and nothing will make sense if it's not making money. Well, that sounds pretty sound and I can't deny that it's right. Somehow, maybe I watch too much drama series and movies that led me to think that business involves lots of things into it. It involves a passion and also lots of strategic moves to compete with others.
Maybe I'm still student and haven't exposed myself in these yet. What's more, I just thought that I'm somehow lost and I think I didn't learn business as how I expect it to be. As for now, I'm aiming to obtain a good quantitative skills first then, moving on to the qualitative skills. This then I can understand business better and able to manouvre to get a hang about what business is about.
One thing, I don't agree that business should be only about money. It's because the sense that money is always a tool and not an objective to get more and more. That will not improve lives, improve quality of living and also the business will not grow. Therefore, I envy those conglomerates being able to venture into different businesses especially those that provides services to the community. This is then able to improve lives of the country and constantly upgrade everyone's life in the country.
Anyway, now I'm still lost because I still got no idea what I want to do. Somehow, I still keep the way that I work hard for everything I do at the moment. I don't know where I'll head to but I know God will lead me to where I'm able to reach.




Ken

Life Update 17/8/07

Geez, this is my last semester and I'm so stress and nervous. It's the fact that I'm facing the few hardest subject I've ever learnt and also I'm at risk of entering Honours next year. Somehow, it's half way through the semester and I have to continue to thrive hard for it.
Assuming that I don't get into Honours, then I'll be entering into the work force. Well, somehow, I think I'm scared that I can't handle work, I'm not ready to work, I'm not prepared to go to the next level...etc. Why am like that suddenly? I don't know why, because I've been trying hard to get internship last year and I've succeeded to work in Securities Commission this year that I'm giving up now? I won't give up of course but maybe it's the sense that I feel empty and suddenly just don't have a passion to move forward. I guess there's times that you're afraid that where you're heading but you know you just have to keep moving forward. Then, you feel guided by anything else you see in front of you which then you realized that you're not heading to the direction you might want. Then you just have no idea what you want anyway, so it's just erm...just keep on walking down the path?
Two days back I just sudden struck with immense stress because I'm lack behind in my course work and keeping on track is really tough. Not just that, I realised that I can't have enough time to handle CT7. Thus, I think I'm not going to sit for CT7 this coming October. Geez, I just didn't realize that I made a wrong prediction and thought it's gonna be easy. Anyway, I just have to get a sick leave on the exam date so that can apply for fee forwarding later then. Hope things will go fine.
Lastly, I'm shifting today to city. I suddenly just feel so hollow to the fact that I miss this place. I realized that I'm really lucky to have been staying here for my whole uni-life. I cannot regret for making the transition decision but to be more confident with the coming future. I hope everyone's life will turn better that way. Of course, I have to have confidence that I can live independently and I can manage things well. I guess this semester is camping in the library for the whole semester so that I can ascertain that I can do well for the semester.
Till then, good luck and take care. Life's a journey to be lived, not to be wasted.

It's all in the imagination...

Well, I guess everyone is lost suddenly. But I guess my intention was to sustain the relationship before it matures to the next stage. Yes, I do think that it's not going to be possible because I know it's gonna be hard before I can achieve something to progress to the next stage. Then, as reality steps in, the positivism still there yet it shows things are getting harder to achieve but somehow, I think that that's how a couple is gonna be if they're strong enough. I knew I can't do it myself, but if with 2 I might get through. I didn't tell her not intentionally, but it's just not the right time to tell n there's no convincing effect to back-up the story. It also proves how much a person is willing to take n feel for the other part. Even though I'm not there and sometimes I do feel that things are not like a relationship, but I told myself its because we're far apart physically. Anyway, maybe I'm just imagining too perfect n far from everyone else in the picture. I guess I'm just bad at relationships because of lack of expression to show my love, imagining various circumstances that might not occur although they seem to appealing and think of the impossibles (Childish as well) in relationships.

Anyway, I'm glad that she found another guy and I'll just go abouts with my stuff here. Single and alone sometimes is a norm to be. Thanks for giving me a companion feeling for a moment. Although it's not v long, but it did give some motivation and help when I needed it. All and all, good luck in exams n career in future. Put down the past n look at the future mayb the best way to "solve" these problems sometimes.

I'm Done...

There, I've done it. I guess I'm just so not good in relationship that I just failed to detect even the slightest bit whether an opposite sex is interested in me or I'm just imagining things. Gosh, however, I don't think she don't feel anything at all. She might be giving me excuse that she's okay and she's going back with her ex. At this point, I know I had to say it because it's a matter of time and the rise in guilt if I don't let her know as soon as it is. I've dragged since holidays till now yet I owe her a lot, really. She was there when I was pretty down at times and even just yesterday, she was the arm I had after I had a big break down in my family. I felt so cruel now just telling her just like that. I'm so dumb to not make a good timing for it, at least not sky-flying someone up to the sky filled with laughter then hit them back down to the ground with pain n more misery. I want to tell her a thousand sorry, or at least get her something before I tell her, or even make sure that she'll be alright after I tell her but I did nothing to make her feel better.

Perhaps, I'm just wrong about it because she could have just treated me as a v close friend. If that's the case, I'm so so embarrassed and I'm such a loser. Embarrassed for thinking as though I'm being liked and for being so anticipated to go online to meet her. Well, loser? I know I should say this but this is another situation that a girl go back to her ex? Geez, seems like I'm so not ready for relationships or I'm thinking too much on it?

How I wish I'm being rich enough now that I can just go abouts and flirt with some girls now. Or even a few girls even better? No worries of who's coming to break my heart but there's always another one to replace. Whenever I feel like it, I can even choose whichever I want as well. How wonderful can that be? Or how about me turning gay? Just to make myself much happier after all the heart-breaks from female partners.

Haih... I can't turn gay since I really haven't had any interest in guys in that perspective. I admit I'm flirty but I just want to find one girlfriend and how come it can be so hard and so impossible for me? Persistency, security, etc... seemed like not what they want but, perhaps, playful characteristics n stylish-looks or what-so-ever might just attract girls? It's like every time's an accident. When I think being Short-Term relationship to happen, one just said that I'm not being serious to go the long journey. When I think back to plan for a Long-Term relationship, planning each stepping stone, the girl just tell me "We're just friends". I feel hopeless with relationships...I guess I'll just leave it aside and rather focus on my career building better.

Rain or Not Rain?

Don't let the bad things stay in the heart for it'll create pressure and stress that make you weaker day by day. Let it out for family is always family and it should be filled with only love.

The Storm's coming, and you're looking for a shelter to avoid it. The cloud is covering the sky fast and the light of the Sun just disappears faster than you want to catch it. The striking lightning shows the cracking scar on the sky. It's roaring is racing out from its source as though a swarm of waves are rushing at you. You start running and running and the run for your life as your legs are tired yet you know your running cannot stop. The heart is bumping blood faster than you can run and pumping faster as the sound come closer and you feel it's getting nearer and nearer. You found a cave and you hide into it. There were beasts as huge as 6 feet high. You know you shouldn't be there yet the situation seemed less critical. You watch your steps as you're in the cave, not to move too in and not to stay too out. The storm might just get you before you knew it. The hunger of the beast is low, luckily yet it's a matter of time till they're hungry again....

After moments of thunder and storm, suddenly it stopped and rained. It just start to drain down everything. You try stepping towards the rain, handing out your hand and realized everything is fine. You slowly step out into the rain, you let yourself wet. You claimed, "Let it rain, let it all washed away, let it out and let it cleanse the very thing that you fear..." And the sun just came out and just shine upon your face. It's not as exciting yet you just feel a sense of peace in your mind and a sense of happiness surrounded by the grievance. You might not want the rain to come again, but then after the grievance, you thought it's alright to let the rain wash everything away. At least it end up with a peace in the own self-being.

Well, this is just an abstract of my situation told in a metaphoric sense. Although I didn't say it in particular what's going on, but the quotation clearly illustrates the situation. What's more, the two paragraph doesn't continue on because I'm lazy to complete the "in between" part.

iPod Opera

Today I was taking a train to the city. Along the way, I was thinking about my iPod where I left it at home. Well, normally at circumstances like this, I'll just pick up my iPod and listen to it. Although I'll lil bored with some songs, but it just keeps me contented for awhile or at least entertain my soul. Then I took out Economist and read an article about Japan's politics and it talked about Kozuimi and his Democratic Party. Suddenly it talked about how he liked Opera and music by just one sentence. I was so "enlightened" that I thought, why not Apple come out with an iPod Opera? Then I start thinkig further about this Windows Media Plugins that it can adjust your earphones as if there's different dimensions in the sound. There's one feature of it that it just make the voice as if it's from far yet with a strong "reflective sound". Well, I just thought it can be a customed made iPod for listening to Opera. I don't know how big is the Opera market, but I know it'll b a hit for everyone because if you can make it v clear voice for Opera, you'll probably make it good for any other music kind. Not only that, I had this idea that it could have an exclusive design along with it as how Nokia did their 8800 with the Sirocco editions. There's some comments about the current iPod is that I hate the earphones because it's like always need to hang it somewhere. I like it if it can be hanged around the neck that you won't worry if the earphone's out of place.
Well, just trying to cultivate more innovative ideas. If there's any comments, do give me some feedback. iPod Opera? hehe...

The Dilemma

Today was having a good day out for photoshoot for the ASS magazine. Well, we were doing a few kind of photos. Depends on the budget but I think I'm just gonna do the cover good and a few pages with the pictures to use and the rest will be information about the company. About the company's information, there's not much to talk about since I'll be just giving them the template and they're gonna fill it up and pass it back to me. Hope that things will go well for it because I oni got a month or so to finish it. Shit!!!

Then later on went Karaoke with the Chinese friends. Well, I didn't sing much and was lil quiet for the day. Maybe I'm just not blending in today or actually I'm just a quiet person myself. After that we went for dinner and had a good meal. Well, apparently it was just a night out with them. Then it was the time that I'm chatting with Ivy that made me always like open myself to her sometimes. After that, having a little thought about it as I browse along Swanston St walking towards the tram stop.

I guess, true love is something so deep that you can't just tell yourself you're done with it. What's more, it's like a button that can just trigger you to not think and go back to the person if it clicks again. Well, that's what happened to her at her situation as well. Somehow, I'm over her already even though sometimes I have thoughts about her and I know it can be strong. I guess, after this departure, I might not see her anymore. Maybe's just the sense that I might not see her again or I'm just having a clutch but all and all, I have to keep the borderline clear cut that everyone's life might be just good that way.

Shifting Anticipatory

Waiting n it's two weeks waiting before the actual shifting will take place. Finally I'm leaving this place to start a new life in some ways. Actually just shift nearer to the uni then I can hang around the lab much later or get into class without worrying waking up too late. At times, I also have to worry about my transportation money since the ticket is so expensive. Somehow, I'm traveling during peak hours just to avoid the train inspectors. What's more at least I can save some part of my trip. This also affects how I wear most of the times. Normally friends always shocked that I'm wearing 3 layers although it's a sunny day. Well, I suppose they haven't known that late night it's cold n freezy. Not to mention the amount of stuff I need to bring everyday is so much. Nowadays my study days are all full which means I have to bring materials for all the subjects to class. So, basically I often look like a study nerd with the same jacket everyday.

Well, staying near to uni there's gonna b a large cost behind it. Even though my mum don't allow me to work, but I'll try to squeeze some time out to earn back my rent. What others there's lots of stuff for me to deal as well. This week I'm going to do the magazine for my society. Then, I'm need to prepare to sit for IELTS at the end of the month. By October, I'll have to finish studying the Economics subject that I've taken from the Centre of Actuarial Studies. Not to mention after that I'll have to continue working hard until exams for this semester's subjects.

On top of that, I suppose I have to appreciate the environment that was provided by me here. I'm being fed and shelter for so long. Although we had arguments and I'm sick of it, I still have to be grateful to my sister n my bro-in-law. Perhaps it's all about the perspective that I see things and things might have happened that coincidently make me thing negatively or make me feel uncomfortable. Every argument I made felt wrong and so different from my point of view. It suddenly shift life into a much complicated dimension or I'm just a shallow person that just can't seem to see through things clearly and judge base on the surfacing truth but not thinking about the underlying truth. What's more, I failed to take the initiative to make things better or improve understanding.

Anyway, I'm just anticipating to shift soon. Hope things will turn out fine then.

Back to Work Life...

Well, I'm just going back to work life for awhile. 1stly, the restaurant is out of staff and I'm just kicking in to help. 2ndly, I'm pretty in need of money as well, so it's pretty good for me too. Well, I suppose if I can't find any tutoring + after I shift to city, I'll consider continue working as a waiter there. Well, today was a nice day where everyone was nice n looking over each other's shoulder. Although I seemed nervous again, haha! Ooppss, but I managed to get things done.
Well, there was things that changed quite a little in the restaurant but mostly still the same culture. What's more, things got better n cleaner, I must admit haha! There's one new chef and another new kitchen staff that I've haven't met. But all are friendly. Then, there's few new waitresses who are nice. Tomoro I'll meet more waiters, let's see how they're like.

Overall, I still managed to take orders and serve as usual. Seems like some old skills have not rust but my holding plates technique still haven't mature as the other waiters. Anyway, I'm just on casual, so don't think need to be too much of a concern about it. This time, I'm more relaxed facing customers and speaking to them. It's becoming a more comfortable environment for me to talk to them and take it as though I'm a new friend to them. Well, I guess tourist are easier to get on hold to esp in directions and asking how's their journey and stuff. What's more I'm amazed that so many tourist from Sydney can do so many different kind of things.

Then, everything have to come to an end. Well, I don't understand why but every time after work, I'll get little emo. I'm tired but there's a sense of satisfaction too. I'm not sure why, but I'm happy to work here again. Frankly, I'll see how the semester goes and if time is permissible, I'll continue working there. At least it give the reality into life and some confidence to work harder in life.

Gene or Self-personality?

There's this part of me that somehow I supposed I haven't know how to express myself to my beloved ones, e.g. my family unless we're sharing the same creative thoughts. Even though I might seem playful, but it's still hard for me to tell how much I'm concern about my family sometimes. I used to dislike my father, not hate. Then rather I found that he's just not so expressive in showing his tender side to us because he might not know how to. Well, now that I'm much of an adult, I find that I'm getting more and more like him sometimes.
Probably I don't know how to change it. Is it in my gene or it's just myself being not expressive towards showing my love? I still consider myself brought up in a happy family although quarrelling often occurs around us. Yet, I believe that as long as everyone in the family have the positive thinking and willing to help each other, nothing can come our way. However, I cannot change much of the mistakes or circumstances happened before. As I thought that instead I can change my future family life and how things could be better. However, suddenly I felt this thought that I'm not able to do that because I'm not even expressive myself to show it. Why? Why? I can't figure out why and what to do suddenly?

Financial Crisis...

AAAHHHH..... I'm doomed after spending such huge amount of money in this holiday. I'm so guilty to ask my mum for more money after just 1.5 month. Suddenly the question floating my mind that what was I thinking about when I was spending during the holiday? Where did I spent them? How come it flows faster than I didn't even notice? I kept track with these stuff and often pretty well-planned for it. I can't think on top of my head how the money was spent, but I'm trying to be more forward looking and find some pocket money for myself at least for m daily usage.
I guess I'll just find a part-time job to find some pocket money to survive. Haih, suddenly feel that I'm such a person that is totally not constructive and I've not been constructive ever I guess. When life's tough and pressure builds on, I guess you have to stay strong and focus. I have to focus better and thrive to improve my studies as last semester I screwed up lots of things. I really understand my mum's lesson that we always have to be honest to ourselves and do what's our obligation. I don't want to see myself as a "yi sai zhou" that only know how to spend money and not knowing how hard it's to earn it.
Now, I've done it...at least not totally but I knew I did it. I'm disappointed with myself and I really have to realize this mistake. Not everyone have a second chance to learn from their wrongdoing and I'm not sure if I have one. At least I'm willing to make things better and stay positive that things will be better in the coming future. I won't give up and I'll have to try as hard as I can.

The Roller Coaster over Winter

Winter Break. Sounds sweet to everyone, but bitter to some. For me, it's just little bitter because the weather's not good for me. What's more is that my results came out badly. Well, I attended the exam review session and realized how lousy my results are. I'm just one mark away from getting into Honours Year, at least if this subject is over 70 then I'll have a higher chance of getting into Honours next year. Although it's just one mark, I still need concrete reasoning to show that I'm deserved to get it.
After the exam review session, I find that it's not arguable about the marks. So, I just have to pick myself up and learn my mistakes. What can I say from the exam paper? Over-confidence and it seems as though I didn't know what I was doing really. Of course, I do understand it's all my mistake that I didn't really really get into the study mode to work hard. These things happen and I always think that it won't happen to me. However, by thinking of this, it seems that I rely on luck rather than capability to determine my faith. All could have been better but I let it lure away from my hands. Of course, up to this stage, I can make things worse by telling which is wrong and which is right, but I'm better off viewing that which is better than the other. If thinking of the time could come again, why not think of the future where I can make it happen better?
Anyway, the title haven't shown the twist of the roller coaster because it's all bad news... the good news is my friend from Brisbane came visiting with her cousin. The whole thing was so good, and I really loved it. Not to mention, I've got to know Victor who is a marvellous person. Friendly and true person which is indeed a friend to behold as long as it last. Ok, not to sound so gay here, :p Anyway, I somehow felt her trip here was not as pleasurable. I was half the time accommodating them, it was raining during the ski trip, her cousin fell n hurt her jaw...etc. It wasn't perfect, for what I think. Well, I guess nothing's perfect and life's always about repairing n suiting to perfection for me. This gave me another realisation that I'm a perfectionist but not capable of having it done perfectly. Sad~~~

Apple

Well, just finished an article in the Economist about Apple's history and its launch on iPhone. It's pretty interesting to view the life of Jobs in various perspective where his life is so related to how he succeeded to be one the best digital pioneers of the century. Here's some clips of his history with Apple:

It all started in 1984 when IBM was dominating the computer market as how Henry Ford dominated the car industry. It was then these colourful Apple computers kicked into the picture that claimed the honourable label to "think different". I guess until now, we still have such impression on Apple as, I magined, people would think of Jobs, a Hippie?, working in Apple. Apparently Apple was the first that invented mouse to use in computers which made them so much easier to use at those times. Then, even though he reached his success story in MAC computers, but the page turns out that he was kicked out of the company after his board just voted him out. Unlucky as I comment, with his comment that "What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating".
It was then the next 12 years changed him into an innovator and better businessman. "Best thing happened to me" as he claimed when he recalls it in 2005. "The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life." After he was kicked out, he had invested his time in two companies separately. 1st NEXT and 2nd Pixar. NEXT, the company that he developed a new computer product called "NEXT CUBE". This computer was absudly powerful but expensive box that...nobody bought it!!! Moving over that, NEXT head towards developing state-of-the-art operating systems. As for Pixar, well, who don't know Pixar but that was until Jobs had this company binded with Walt Disney. Before that Pixar attracted Jobs with its splendid graphics before he take over it. With Pixar's creative flair and Disney's marketing and distribution clout that it became success in its 1st blockbuster - "Toy Story".

During these years, he was much of a Californian hippie, "fruitarian" and a Zen Buddhist (the part of Buddhist that emphasizes enlightenment for the student by the most direct possible means, accepting formal studies and observances only when they form part of such means). I didn't really get this part of the article but I guess it meant that he was jus weird in all ways and also it described that he was an idealist in all aspects of his life including his strategies, his marketing skills - those parts of Apple which was non-technological and innovating. Of course, this impacted him to be more realism in terms of business part of him after he was sacked.
Well, tides turn around back to Jobs in 1996 when Apple was losing so much money and it was said to be imploded or be sold that time. It was then Apple's boss, Gil Amelio bought over NEXT which owns the most advance operating systems. And this in turn had Jobs back to the company. Not so much of an idealist, he invited Microsoft to invest in Apple which guaranteed Apple's survival in the market. Then, he used NEXT to develop Mac OS X and its later versions including Cheetah, Puma, Jaguar, Panther, Tiger and now Leopard. Geez, I guess he really liked Cats...can't wait until it counts to Jerry! lol. Then Jobs went on working with a British designer - Jonathan Ive to develop then-now Mac computers designs and concepts - iMac, iLife, iPhoto...etc where "i" just stands for internet.
In 2001, Jobs tranformed Apple into the leader of the music industry in the next coming years by introducing Applie iPod. Wow, this was the booming period for Apple and it was until next year that Jobs released availability of iTunes to PC users that allowed iPod to be used in PCs. EMI, a british label later used iTunes to sell its music without copyright protection. Success with one of his two company invested before, Jobs sold Pixar to Walt Disney and joined its board to secure its presence in Hollywood for things to come. As for the MAC computers, after the release of iPod, MAC computers users increased from a couple of percent in the world market up to 5% and rising. This is called the "HALO effect". Not to mention, with its chipset changed from Motorola and IBM manufacturer to Intel, such "virtualisation" changed MAC's usability to be able to run both Operating Systems in just one unit.
Okay, so now that we've talked about Apple's history. It's now it just released its iPhone product like just now? Wow, impressive. Just to inform if you haven't already know of its features: 1. A "multi touch" screen replacing the mechanical buttons of most phones uses now.
2. It uses Mac OS X and Safari as its operating system and web browser.
3. Automated features such as Sensors rotate the display, turn off display to conserve power when user lifts the phone to his ear and adjust its brightness according to the light.
Cons:
1. battery life just like Nokia N95 where it provides heaps of functionality yet the low battery life makes it meaningless. What's more, iPhone's battery is irreplaceable.
2. Slower data network compared to the current 3rd generation technology.
3. It's price at $499 is not as affordable to most people but only to rich and gadget-fans.

After reading this article, it just amazed me with some advice from Forry's dad yesterday that although there's so much things you can study in this world, but in reality, always take the most powerful career in the society. He mentioned about businessmen and lawyers are the big players in terms of career because these people are those who are controlling the world. Just like how we've seen how Jobs was kicked out from his company, who are those guys? Businessmen... Then, not to mention about it, it also gave him a realism lesson rather than being too idealist in all aspects of life. How do you feel when you're looking at t iPhone's poster? Innovative, Creative and Freedom as I imagined people would described it. But the literature and the comings of these things involved lots of other realism aspects. Turning that into my life itself, as I'm pretty idealist myself. I guess I really have to tone down and think in much realism in life in order to prepare myself to advance to the next step.

(P/S: That's why I don't totally agree with Forry's dad because I believe that everyone should study anything as long as they like because life is the journey that we're going through and we should walk it with preference to our decision and our perspective).

Well, if anyone's interested in looking for more about the new iPhone and what's coming next. This is it:

BMW E92 M3 Coupe

The Soul of Formula M - ReLoaDeD!!!

Aww...Everyone got to love this car and I mean this car itself it just brilliant. Just purely it's looks could alr make any man ready to launch and turns on any woman too!! Just for an intro:
Well, I got this photo from the Geneva Motorshow 2007 where normally all the new and exclusive launch of automobile is held. Apparently this is still a concept car even though I suspect it already looked like a production car already. It'll be launch for production in September 2007 after its world debut in the Frankfurt Motorshow 2007.

Looks: I guess BMW always sustains its gill-like front opening yet it's shape is not as squarish following the previous revolution of car design. Its bottom front is wider than its predecessor E46 for the purpose of large air intake. Coordinated with the sporty look front lights, it gives a wild look at the front. After all, I just thought its front had some similarities with the Z4.

Not to mention of it's sides. I just love the fact that its two-door makes you feel rich and generous as you slide the wide doors. The side gill is one of the features that differentiates itself to a sporty mode from its 3series brothers. It's 19inch alloy wheels was just proportional to the car's shape which is keeping it sweet, just the kind of thing I'll do to my car.

As for the back, I would say finally BMW is doing something about it. haha, to me it hasn't reached the high satisfactory level, but it's all done well enough than it's other 3series brother. Yet, it still "humbled" the car's aggressiveness to thrive for a wild side. Not to mention, its double twin exhaust pipes do characterise its sporty and adds credit to its outlook.

Speaking about Performance, hmm...I'll bet u'll be blown away. It's a bomb that explodes and rockets you from 0-100km/h in 4.8sec (it was said to be underestimated) with its 414bhp V8 engine. It's torque goes up to 400Nm at 3900RPM, with the redline RPM reaching up to 8400.Top speed can reach 250km/h, which I find doesn't really matter much cause there's not much street can exceed 200km/h. The most important part of what I love about this car is - IT's a 6_SPEED MANUAL and they've left the SM auto gearbox at the garage. HOORAY!!! Those who knows me, I drive manual fast and real fast + safe which makes me jumping up and down, in and out and through the window. I'm so going to get it ... For further specifications, check it here and here.

Well, I've got its catalouge at hand alr, just to show how much enthusiasm I had now. Even though I'm not able to afford it, but soon, pretty soon I'll have it...hehe! For those can't get enough of it I'll just post more photos and enjoy!!!

Stress Free Therapy...

Okay, I've finally made up my mind to make my stress for whatever reason to be free of it. Let's see, 1st I need to find something relaxing to do.

1. Probably reading Economist could be relaxing in some ways while benefiting my knowledge.

2. I just packed all my stuff today and probably start cleaning my room tomorrow. By the end of cleaning up, I'll be more refreshed with the fresh environment.

3. Finish what I promised myself to complete so that I don't add further burden on myself in the coming future.

All and all, I believe I'll feel better by the end of the list, or even before I'm done with all of them.




Regards,
Ken

Mental Accident...

It was a Sunday morning that you were waking up after sister's cleaning the house with her husband. It doesn't really bothered you, but thinking again, it does? It wasn't understood of the reasoning but the heart rate sky-rocketed and the mind is full of negative thoughts. Somehow, a disturbance that caused you won't want to get out of the house.

It could be the comment yesterday read from her blog. As she was suggesting she's finding a close friend to be known which sort of disappointed in some sense. Could it be the past experience of rejection led the uncontrollable mind to get wild or the mind had been anxiously waiting for time to be right and plan accordingly suddenly broke down because it might not matter anymore...it was not known.

It could be the fact that relationship with own sister is not well and indirectly the negativity of thoughts rush into the minds and interrupt its operation
or
the unconsciousness is responding to some hormone changes to decrease the substances of stress during the exam period to loosen me up yet the process just disgust the body.

There's the possibilities of having to shift out and be more independent on oneself. The fact that life might change and not confident with own ability to survive properly in the coming near future worried ownself.

All and all, I just want to continue sleeping. Even though the feeling of restlessness is there and the mind seemed to be clouded, the other part of the thoughts seems to tell the body the routine of today's activity and what's the best route to rescue ownself from such critical situation for the moment.

Now, just listen quietly Joe Hisaishi's Summer's Day. May summer's warmth will come sooner and bring the light to life.

Recent Updates 24th June 2007

Quote : For every start, there's a plan to path us through the journey of our needs and freedom.

These 2days…

Wow, two days in a row to sing K. It's really tiring and not worthwhile since I've used almost all my energy for these things. At least I cooked at my pet sister’s place today for dinner. 1st time cooking at her place feel little paiseh because I was mumbling about where this and that, then this should be there and that should be here. After saying those, I impose another statement that I’m feeling like a woman in this house suddenly… L NOoooo… STOP Laughing PAT!!! And her bro was like, OMG, really? …. I should sometimes speak my thoughts silently to avoid further embarrassments. Anyway, the dinner turns out fine after her bro made this Korean Pancake and I just stir-fry a simple dish. We then finished a simple nice meal before ending the rest of the night Karaoke.
Anyway, I've planned for what I'm going to do for this holiday. As for the 1st is Internship application for the end of the year. Well, other than just applying through online applications, I'm searching for any possible contacts to get into some relevent jobs that I'll be more exposed to in future. I know that somehow I have to be thick-skin sometimes because I can't seem to convince smoothly to get things I want. Anyway, see how it goes and hopefully things will be fine.

Friends’ Visiting:

Then, I’ll be preparing for a trip as my friend and her cousin from Brisbane is coming here to visit. 1stly, I think of having a start with the ski trip for a day. Then after that we have a rest and probably let her wonder abouts city shopping or maybe pop in my pet sister’s place for steamboat or something. Then, we have the penguin island trip the next day or so since it’s an afternoon trip which I guess everyone will be much relaxed after the tiring ski trip. Well, I’m half excited to see the penguins since everyone been telling me stories of how adorable they are. Let’s hope they come close enough to be seen and that day is a good day to see. Later on, girls girls, shopping shopping days for two days? I’m not convinced that it’s enough but at least a good estimate for now. Then there’s 2-3 days left and I still can’t think of anything. Thinking again, this reminds of what my pet sis said today that Melbourne’s boring after I told her my new hobby became Karaoke - apparently this is the next happening event after clubbing. Therefore, although I really might not like it but for the sake of their 1st time here, I might suggest going to Great Ocean Road. IF AND ONLY IF, I cracked my head and can’t even think of other alternatives :(

As for the next friend coming from Adelaide, I might be bringing him almost the same places other than ski trip because it’s expensive and I can’t afford to go twice!!! I did mention of coming together with us but he seems to be unable to take leave. Well, I guess I’ll have to make other arrangements for him soon after. Of course, how I wish he could have come at the same time then I might save half of my expenses to accommodate friends’ visits…Oh yeah, forgot that I could bring friends to St Kilda Beach. At least they haven’t been there before and should be able to accommodate them for a nice good day where everyone can relax by the sea, read a book, visit the morning market if we’re early enough. Then, there’s Victoria Market which is Victoria’s Petaling Street, haha!!! But so much cleaner >__<”” and if I had it a good day to buy things for steamboat, it’ll be an efficient and fun day since we’re shooting two birds with one stone…PERrrrFECT!!! Hehe…

Excited with this coming holiday’s happening yet I’ll be burning lots of money and struggle to survive for the rest of the semester :p Thus, before the 1st move starts, I’ll have to plan the schedule properly which features money saving + relaxing and enjoyable trip. Of course, there’s factors of allowance for extra expenses and I’ll have to watch on that based on the current situation.

Self-improvement:

I also need to have self-improvement plans for the holiday. Every week there’ll be an economist magazine sent to me. I’ve missed 3 issues since the exams been progressing for the weeks before this. Thus, I’ll have to finished them within this week and keep me up-to-date with the current affairs. Other than that, I’ll have to apply for internships and prepare myself for interviews and questions and answers if they were to be interested in me. Somehow, I think I’m nervous and stress in these situation. Thus, I thought of a way that I’ll find friends to do it together at least getting more opinion from people and at the same time won’t be too stressed out. Other than that, I’ve got lots of books left out which I haven’t really finished yet. Let’s see, there’s this Chinese Business in Malaysia, The Chinese Experience, The New Financial Order and a few more. Haha, I better stop going bookshops with Ben and Wang for a moment before they gave me the urge to add more collection which I haven’t finished yet.
Anyway, time to sleep since it’s 4am now and I had to adjust back my day and night before I turn my world upside down against the world. Shall see this world later today, NIGHTZ!

Flirtatious

Flirtatious is the my middle name sometimes. If you just knew me, you have three alternatives of my 1st impression, 1. Nice n kind 2. Flirtatious and playful 3. Stupid and boring. Well, it all depends on what kind of person you are as well since different people have different views. I've tried convincing someone who thinks I'm nice and kind that I'm flirtatious but it didn't work at all. Not to mention, I won't even speak much to a person who only think I'm dumb n boring. Haha!!!

If you look at my horoscope, I'm just a pure Piscean which is 3rd in terms of flirtatious. This means, I'm not as flirtatious as other horoscope hehe!!! I sort of think of this because I seemed to can't stop myself from looking at pretty girls. Last time I used to think that if you look at her more than three times, you're having some feelings for her. But then later on I realised actually this feeling is called good impression/appreciation. Having to fall for someone is very different and it's deeper than you think. How I found out?

This is pretty interesting. Because I had this thing in common with my brother is that we have a pair of sharp eyes that eletrifies girls as soon as they look back at us, haha!!! But sorry, I'm not flirtatious because I only make friends with all the people. I used to be so childish that I thought I have an opportunity for further development later on, but neh...now I realised that if it ain't gonna happen now, it even happen later. What's more, until I know Apple, I realised that a relationship really depends on willingness + timing. I could have been with some girls before but the timing was so not right.

Of course, I'm not flirtatious but the thoughts of being one is in my mind. I often have such imagination. How I describe is that it's like wind. If you did watch the House of the Flying Daggers, you'll find that I closely describe flirtatious as how it was presented in the movie. Indeed, the description suited very true. The reaction of wind often comes and goes without a trace but leaves a temporary notification of its existence before it disappear. Thus, flirtatious didn't last as we can imagine. And therefore, guys, please be loyal to your current partner. Once at a time is not flirtatious, but two or more is!!! What's more, although it doesn't last like wind, but flirtatious do leave a scar on someone's heart that indeed do bad to you rather than good in future. And when you expand your thinking about the society, this created the social problems around our lives. If this you can do, you're a step closer to the perfect world that everyone is embraced to have.

Last Day

21st is coming, well tomorrow actually. I'm having my last day of exam, subject? Financial Mathematics 3. I'm busy preparing with much diligence to get as good as I can get. There's always ways to improve things, but there's only one mindset which is don't give up.
Anyway, today my sister was not satisfied with me recently haven't been doing any housework. Well, apparently I was pretty in doubt because my bro-in-law asked me to leave the housework until my exams finished. It was that that I haven't done much housework at home. I even cooked my own dinner and cleaned things up. So, she's not satisfied with me saying that I haven't done anything at the household and then started speaking about the past, about how she took her savings to pay my school fees etc. I'm really touched in some ways, but I'm honestly trying to shift out of here as soon as possible. But no, I can't do it because my mum will have a larger burden on my financials. I'm grateful that my sis did pay my school fee. I would have argued that she did it herself and didn't mention to my mum. Well, she needn't do that but she've done it and she's making it like I'm owing to her. No, if I can choose, I won't owe anything to her never a peny. I'm sorry that this happened and I just have to act as though I'm grateful for it.
Now my strategy is just that I live my own life and just have her live by herself. Of course, this is not possible because I'm still having my clothes washed and using her electricity + water. What's more, I saved my accommodations already. Somehow, I'm thinking of a way to find a part-time so that I can decide to shift out pretty soon. This then I'm able to get my freedom n save my mum from such financial burden.
On the far future, I'm hoping to transfer my honours degree to Singapore if possible. Why? Well, part of it I just can't stand staying in Australia anymore. I haven't had a good experience here. Also, I get to be near home and enjoy a better life than here. I did consider that my degree will probably be lowered/downgraded, yet looking at the importance, I think my life deserve better than anything. Of course, if there's a way that I can stay in Australia, then I'll fight for it and sustain until I finish my honours. Till then, I'll have to stay put and concentrate on my exams 1st.

Starting a new Blog..

Hi everyone. Well, I used to write blogs in friendster which I often write into an essay rather than blogs as described by most of my friends. Thus, I created this blog so that I can be more interesting since I can add more stuff here compared to Friendster blogs. Hope you'll enjoy and share some comments along the way. Btw, 1st blog ever posted here, I shall have a good starting song to accompany it. This is a theme song from Joe Hisaishi in the anime Princess Mononoke. Try to close your eyes and imagine the sensation of nature + enjoy the wind fluency in it.



Most sincerely,
Ken