Life Update 17/8/07

Geez, this is my last semester and I'm so stress and nervous. It's the fact that I'm facing the few hardest subject I've ever learnt and also I'm at risk of entering Honours next year. Somehow, it's half way through the semester and I have to continue to thrive hard for it.
Assuming that I don't get into Honours, then I'll be entering into the work force. Well, somehow, I think I'm scared that I can't handle work, I'm not ready to work, I'm not prepared to go to the next level...etc. Why am like that suddenly? I don't know why, because I've been trying hard to get internship last year and I've succeeded to work in Securities Commission this year that I'm giving up now? I won't give up of course but maybe it's the sense that I feel empty and suddenly just don't have a passion to move forward. I guess there's times that you're afraid that where you're heading but you know you just have to keep moving forward. Then, you feel guided by anything else you see in front of you which then you realized that you're not heading to the direction you might want. Then you just have no idea what you want anyway, so it's just erm...just keep on walking down the path?
Two days back I just sudden struck with immense stress because I'm lack behind in my course work and keeping on track is really tough. Not just that, I realised that I can't have enough time to handle CT7. Thus, I think I'm not going to sit for CT7 this coming October. Geez, I just didn't realize that I made a wrong prediction and thought it's gonna be easy. Anyway, I just have to get a sick leave on the exam date so that can apply for fee forwarding later then. Hope things will go fine.
Lastly, I'm shifting today to city. I suddenly just feel so hollow to the fact that I miss this place. I realized that I'm really lucky to have been staying here for my whole uni-life. I cannot regret for making the transition decision but to be more confident with the coming future. I hope everyone's life will turn better that way. Of course, I have to have confidence that I can live independently and I can manage things well. I guess this semester is camping in the library for the whole semester so that I can ascertain that I can do well for the semester.
Till then, good luck and take care. Life's a journey to be lived, not to be wasted.

It's all in the imagination...

Well, I guess everyone is lost suddenly. But I guess my intention was to sustain the relationship before it matures to the next stage. Yes, I do think that it's not going to be possible because I know it's gonna be hard before I can achieve something to progress to the next stage. Then, as reality steps in, the positivism still there yet it shows things are getting harder to achieve but somehow, I think that that's how a couple is gonna be if they're strong enough. I knew I can't do it myself, but if with 2 I might get through. I didn't tell her not intentionally, but it's just not the right time to tell n there's no convincing effect to back-up the story. It also proves how much a person is willing to take n feel for the other part. Even though I'm not there and sometimes I do feel that things are not like a relationship, but I told myself its because we're far apart physically. Anyway, maybe I'm just imagining too perfect n far from everyone else in the picture. I guess I'm just bad at relationships because of lack of expression to show my love, imagining various circumstances that might not occur although they seem to appealing and think of the impossibles (Childish as well) in relationships.

Anyway, I'm glad that she found another guy and I'll just go abouts with my stuff here. Single and alone sometimes is a norm to be. Thanks for giving me a companion feeling for a moment. Although it's not v long, but it did give some motivation and help when I needed it. All and all, good luck in exams n career in future. Put down the past n look at the future mayb the best way to "solve" these problems sometimes.