It's all in the circle that I do things that frustrates people and I should have learnt the lesson. Somehow, it seems to me now that I just can't visualise what I'm doing to repair myself to please people. I often think that I'm a weak person if I were to please someone. That's why I don't like to get help from others for I need to "please" or seemed like begging someone to get something for me. Then, when I'm strong and capable, I just crush anything I see and people don't like it. So, it's the sense that if I stay weak and peaceful then there's no war happening yet I can't because I won't be improved and not moving forward.
Hah...reading Got Tong's death. I really send my condolence to him. I read his biography and it truly inspired me for the hardwork that he gave into Genting really amazed me. It gives me the inspiration not to give up and at least some motivation to keep moving on. Counting by the amount of wreaths sent to his home, you can tell how much respectful people gave to him, not to mention from all over the world? Now that his son Kok Thay is handling over his company operations, it's really the matter of time for him to rest in peace and be remembered as a proud citizen and pioneer of Malaysia. A person's hardwork and contribution is really impressive and I really salute him.
Guess I only have the inspiration to move small steps forwards rather than manouvring along big steps like others. The magnification of me outside just shrinks to a tiny piece inside that everyone knows that the true me is not what I am outside and I'm just another piece of shit and coward that don't dare to do lots of stuff. Ahhh...what can I do from now? Where can I go from now? Is my direction right from the start or I'm just giving harsh times to myself all the time?
Move on...keep stepping forward to a higher level to see things clearer, I say.
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